Friday, December 15, 2017

Play Report from Jeff Rients' Vaults of Vyzor 3

Got another chance to play in Jeff's game in the Vaults of Vyzor on 8 December. I suggested I could play another character than Laurantha if we wanted to avoid the geas to enter the Azure Vaults, which suggestion was endorsed, and so I rolled up a level 1 cleric, Kat Eumeleia, devotee of the Cult of the Beautiful Life ...


Down at the (newly rebuilt Drooling Thoul?), Kat Eumeleia, newly arrived cleric following the Star Goddess, was seen carousing raucously with several orc floozies after her first expeditions into the Citrine and Verdant Vaults. Over the course of the night, she composed this pastiche of one of the religious hymns of her cults, singing it as well as she could without the advantage of autotuning magic (this is written to fit generally into the melody of Kesha's song “Rainbow”):

'Descended down into Citrine halls
looking for an orc brothel
and once there
couldn't help but stare
Walls covered with red velvet drapes
orc ladies with the leering faces
we had no coin
but I brought some wine

Trading swigs with the orcs, we
made some friends as we partied
with our charms,
won over even the madame!
Learned that not all there were happy
working girls, they were trapped, yeah,
so we brought them all
out of that brothel

We had a party
down in the dungeon, yeah!
With hard-A
drinking wine and dancin'
So seize your freedom now, girls
And come and dance away from here

Yes, Mario had some fun
with a couple of orcish doms
while they played
we had it made
And Emma found an Elf-lass
hiding back in the darkness
we sang, “Come on, girl,
come out to the world ...”

Saved them all from the darkness,
from a world cold and heartless
but back in the brothel
with dominatrixes from Hell
When Mario had ended,
they found the brothel abandoned
they sprouted horns!
demonic in form!

We had a party
down in the dungeon, yeah!
With hard-A
drinking wine and dancin'
So seize your freedom now, girls
And come and dance away from here

Emma sprang on one orcubus,
wrestling hard that seductress,
got an evil kiss
that left her listless
Yeah, our swords had no power
to defy them in that hour
so we fled
rather than end up dead!

We had a party
down in the dungeon, yeah!
With hard-A
drinking wine and dancin'
So seize your freedom now, girls
And come and dance away from here
tonight ...'

Asked by other patrons concerning further recollections of her expeditions into the vaults accompanying one Emma Brighteyes of the Jarrod Memorial Library and fighting-man Mario de Parma, she had more prosaic things to say:

'Yeah, we had a couple of gnome lasses with us--Babis was one, I don't remember the other's name--hired by Mario on his promise that they could get some orc-stabbing revenge down there. They weren't really sure what to make of the brothel, but don't worry; when Mario went off with those girls that ended up being orcubi, I took the gnomes under my wing and gave them some wine to take the edge off. But when those demon-babes revealed themselves, the poor gnomes almost got left behind in our haste to retreat. Only Emma's cool under duress allowed her to duck in and drag the two out under the demons' claws …

'Well, after we got out of the Citrine Vaults--and only barely ahead of the demons!--there was no way in Hell we were going back for the treasure we left behind. So we decided to try the Verdant Vaults--apparently some local Elf-chick here has some kind of a thing for bees, and there were supposed to be bees down in the Verdant Vaults ...

'And sure enough, we found them, and Emma used that Elf-chick's spell to charm the bees. We then used them to help us battle a few orcs fully intent on impaling a few helpless gnomes in some huge chamber that Emma said used to be a gnome-wrestling arena. The gnome lasses got their vengeance here--you can't imagine the glee with which they chopped off all six pairs of hands of the orcs we killed …'

Beyond this point, Kat, continuing to drink her wine, became semi-incomprehensible. She drunkenly proselytized the cult of the Star Goddess to the local women, going on about something called “the Beautiful Life” without explaining much … and then was later seen partying hard with Hilda, wife of Heinrik Gem-Eyes, alternately downing shots and goblets of wine, and then engaging in deep, seductive, philosophical conversations …


Kat Eumeleia was rolled up using Jeff's "Insano-Libs Cleric Advancement" rules ... she almost advanced to level 2 during this last session, but alas, not quite. Naturally, with her being a cleric follower of Ke$ha, I will have more to say about the Cult of the Beautiful Life as time goes by ...

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