Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts

Monday, November 27, 2017

Greyhame Mountain Dungeon Expedition 11

Orcs have returned to the caverns of the Glimmervaults;
the Goblin King and the Lord of Werewolves have renewed their ancient alliance beneath the Howling Tower;
and the secret treasury of the ancient Bronding Kings is said to lie somewhere behind the Brokenbrand Falls, haunted by enchanting naiads ...
...
and Jaer the Windlord is said to look down on the world below from the Eyries of the Eagles on Greyhame Mountain itself ...


23 November's roster:
Mizer (magic-user 3)
with Thorngrim and Arngrim (two normal men), as well as a mastiff, a half-wolf, and a boarhound
Blackleaf (Elf 2)
with Johann Haybaler and Dol (two normal men), as well as Droopy and Snoopy (both mastiffs)


Blackleaf also bought a sprig of nightshade, said to be helpful against enchantments if worn; and she glanced at the nosegay of dragonrose, said to put reptilian beasties like dragons to sleep, but didn't ultimately purchase it.

Thus equipped and with a full party of hirelings and dogs, Mizer acquiesced to Blackleaf's burning desire to return to the Brokenbrand Falls to seek out the turtle philosopher there, and to denude him of his remaining eleven gems. To this end, they borrowed the maps from Little Bob (who has heretofore generally been the party mapper), and then set out for the falls.

On the first day, a storm blew up, destroying a spear, plate armor, twelve arrows, a week of rations, and a shield; it was raining all the rest of the way. Then, on the third night, just before arriving, the party was surrounded by ghouls--they did what I had hoped "concreteness" for the wilderness attrition would allow, and reacted by offering to use holy water, flasks of oil, and the web spell to help reduce attrition, all of which I allowed (and I rolled a random number for vials of holy water and flasks of oil), and they managed to maintain a defensive ring around their camp and to drive the ghouls away by morning.

Arriving at the falls, Blackleaf got out the maps from Little Bob and realized they made very little sense, given that they're spread over three pieces of parchment, and include distant areas drawn close together on the same map, duplicate areas that don't quite match up, etc. She had a general idea of where to go to return to the great pool, but couldn't see how the areas all matched up.

Nevertheless, they went in, and turning east in the first series of halls where the green slimes tend to grow along the ceilings, they indeed found a colony. Finding it before it could surprise them, they burned it away with oil and torches; and then, looking at the map, figured they could find a quicker route to the large chamber with the falls itself than the circuitous southwestern route taken by other expeditions. This proved true; but the way was also blocked by five large fungal growths in the chamber that led down to the long hall.

Mizer mentioned the possibility of shriekers as the party hurled oil flasks at the fungi; and yet none of the flasks hit, but either sailed over and past, or were just dropped at the feet of the adventurers. Plucking up some courage, Mizer crept into the room with his torch, hoping to burn one, and then sure enough, a horrible shrieking started coming from two of the fungi; meanwhile, the others began shuffling toward the party.

They sent the dogs in, while the humans stayed back and hurled missiles at the fungi; this tactic worked quite well, and soon all the fungal growths were destroyed, largely torn apart by wardog teeth. Only one of the dogs was seriously hit, and had wisps of fungal tendrils sprouting from where a fungus had struck him; Blackleaf carved the infected flesh away with a knife, injuring the dog, but successfully cutting out the infection.

Beyond the fungi, a set of stairs led down into a long north-south pillared hall that at its northern end turned east. Checking around that way, the party found the eastern hall led to a great pool, while the pillars became stalagmite/stalactite columns carved to look like trees and which bore jeweled fruits. There was also a cave leading down into the depths; but Blackleaf remembered that the party had come down from the north after the first encounter with the turtle; checking the water, they found a path of stepping stones in the water that led north, against the current, and along which the party thence followed.

Something struck at one of the dogs from the water's deeps--something silver and flashing and big--but it didn't get a firm bite, and the party went quickly enough against the current to avoid any further interactions with it.

Coming out onto a shore of stone, the party found a stair that led up and to the north; following this, around several windings, they ultimately came out into a sun-filled canyon with the stream flowing south on their right, and a stair leading up under the cliffs. On their left was a door which they ignored, and on their right, into the cliff over the streams, a grotto, which they likewise ignored. Following the stairs all the way, they came to a bridge that spanned over the stream and onto an arcing east/north shore of stone around a large pool of crystal clear water, open to the sun and surrounded by high rock walls. On the north shore stood an image of Astora, Elf-Queen, at the base of which lounged several naiads.

This was the pool where the turtle had been, but the turtle-philosopher was not currently present.

When the naiads saw the party, they swam over, making eyes at the men in the party (everyone except Blackleaf, really)--that is, until they saw that no one had a higher than average Charisma. Dol the former fyrdman exchanged a couple winks with the naiads, which somewhat encouraged them, but Blackleaf put a stop to that by glaring and reminding Dol that he was on her dole.

Dol, right before Blackleaf stamped on his foot and reminded him he works for her ...

Without any takers, the naiads rolled their eyes and flounced away downstream.

Looking for the turtle, Blackleaf stuck her head in the water--she saw something glittering at the bottom of the preternaturally clear pool, but no turtle. An attempt to swim down (taking armor off before) resulted in her just getting caught up in the current and swept south until she could grab the shore and haul herself out, dripping and cold.

Now, around the pool, into both the northern and eastern cliff walls, were several entrances into further dungeon areas; the party decided to investigate the one whence issued a stream that fed into the pool. Following that corridor, they came to a room with a basin of water within which stood a naiad statue, and which was filled with the debris of several huge spiders, egg sacs, and several desiccated corpses (Blackleaf here recalled the spiders that almost killed Lead several expeditions back). Heading north from there, the party entered a room with a pool fed by a fall from the northwest, an image of a Bronding king against the north, a stair up and through the west wall--and a sleeping turtle-philosopher with eleven gleaming gems in its shell, off to the northeast.


Blackleaf, overexcited, convinced Mizer to cast web on the sleeping creature, thus entrapping it in a net of sticky strands. The casting of the spell awoke the turtle, and as it opened its eyes and witnessed the party approaching, it began to speak. What's this? Do you all think I'm some kind of beast, inconsiderable of moral standing, or are you such cravens that you just go around casting spells on helpless individuals all the time, eh? Do you cretins even know what moral standing is, or how you would determine whether a thing is worthy of consideration? Well?

All of the hirelings and Mizer as well failed their saves against this tirade of philosophy and stood entranced as the turtle began to elucidate the nature of parsing moral standing (this, while the turtle also began to rock and struggle to break free of the webs--it looked like it would get out before too long ...). Blackleaf, however, succeeded in her save, and with her dogs (which, being beasts, gave not a whit to the turtle's philosophizing), she stepped forward and started attacking the webbed turtle.

I see that you, like all your pointy-eared kind, care nothing for the suffering of others! the turtle declared as Blackleaf's sword and the teeth of her dogs scrabbled and clanged on his shell. But he could do nothing other than rage impotently, trying to break free of the webs. After two short rounds of attacks, he was bleeding and beaten enough that he simply dropped his head. Take all my jewelry, he said. Just please don't kill me.

Then Blackleaf called off her dogs, pried the gems free from the turtle's shell, and then the turtle, with a surprising speed, fled into the water and went away downstream, bloodying the water.

Each of the eleven gems seemed to be worth about 1000 gold; and with their ill-won jewelry, the party elected to quickly return home. Back in the large chamber with the pool, they briefly spied the turtle's head above water, but then he vanished quickly again beneath the waves.

Also, on their way out, they glanced into a shallow cave in the northeast corner of the chamber, and saw within an old skeleton crouched in death on a great throne, with a crown of nine glittering diamonds upon its head. Blackleaf, ever greedy, reached out with her sword to lift the crown, and immediately she touched it, a mist rose up all around, misty figures within, and a ghostly voice questioned, Art thou so certain thou art worthy of mine crown?

Wanting none of this, Blackleaf returned the crown, and the mists dissipated; and then the party fled out of the dungeon, and back down the stairs by the waterfall at the entrance. Dol managed to fall in, and yet never resurfaced. Going into the water to look for him, Blackleaf glimpsed him swim away with a group of naiads, but lost sight of them in the churning water under the falls.

On the way back to town, while fording a river, the party lost 12 arrows, a dagger, a shield, a week of rations, and all of Mizer's torches; then, that night, in a bout of hypothermia, Mizer managed to further lose a shield, sword, another week of rations, and more ammunition (he put them down somewhere during a shivering bout, but when he woke up the next morning, not dead, could not recall what he'd done with them ... sure, that'll work).

Back in town, Blackleaf used her portion of the proceeds from the gems (some 5500 gp) to pay off her 5000 gp debt to the thieves' guild, leaving her barely in the black. She then went to Lailith, the lawful good cleric of St. Ursula in town, and talked over some of the stuff the turtle had said, which had stuck with her, and ultimately felt something of remorse. She now feels that she must do something in restitution for the turtle, if she truly is to gain a human soul and the empathy that it entails.

Meanwhile, Mizer caroused, and managed to win himself a reputation as the life of the party in Brakeridge--any further carousing in that town will cost double for normal the amount of xp, until or unless he does something to change that reputation.

------

Remembrance for the Fallen
Orion II (lion dog), Bacon (boar hound), Tore (half-orc fighter 1/cleric 1), Jimmy the Snitch (dog), Orion (lion dog), Harambe (man-ape 1)

And for those Enchanted Away
Dol (fyrdman hireling)



Sunday, November 26, 2017

the Cult of the Beautiful Life -- Worshiping Ke$ha

I've been kicking this idea around in my head for a while, to create a religion using Kesha's lyrics as the sacred texts, but tonight on the drive back up from Boise, Kesha blaring from the CD player, some ideas finally clicked. So here goes ... (all the links except the last about the "Otter Bacchanalia" are links to Kesha's songs on YouTube)

The Star Goddess

On a certain summer night, when the moon is heavy with light, and the star winds blow and scatter their glimmerings in a great river of light across the sky, the clashing of timbrels and the cries of women in ekstasis will arise in the city. On this night, the central mystery of the Beautiful Life will once more be ritually played out atop the highest hill, in full view of the stars, as it is done every year, and ever has been, and ever shall be.

The women of the city who are members of the cult--they call themselves the Beautiful--will gather in the the market in answer to the cries and the clash of the timbrels. Others will come as well; Elves, as fellow star-children, will be found in their midst; hangers-on who know of the revelry to come, will wait nearby to follow the procession and join in the celebrations after the mystery ritual is complete; and some few men who have been selected to join in the ritual and the revelry, and who are already swaying, drunk from wine, will have already gathered in the square with the priestesses.

Thus assembled, the entire group will process forth through the city, led by priestesses raising the thyrsus-staves, accompanied by girls bearing jars of wine and of water, all chanting incantations to the Star Goddess and her lover, and banging their timbrels and drums. Any who are to be initiated that night go silently, draped in heavy black robes that hide their features, while those who are already initiated have painted themselves with vibrant colors, and adorned their wrists, arms, ankles and waists with silver and gold while their bodies are decked with robes and dresses of every hue.

"We R Who We R!" sings the procession, proclaiming to themselves and to the world their intent to live to the fullest, to fulfill their own desires, and to love themselves as they are. "Got that glitter on our eyes, stockings all ripped up the sides, looking sick and sexified! ... We're dancing like we're dumb, bodies going numb, we'll be forever young ..."

That, and "Take It Off", singing, "There's a place downtown where the freaks all come around, there's a hole in the wall, it's a dirty free for all ... When the dark of the night comes around, that's the time that the animal comes alive looking for something wild ..."

Singing all the way, the procession of the Beautiful march and dance and sway in wine-drunkenness out from the city, marching through half the night until they come to the place of their secret and sacred rites. This is a hill somewhere in the hinterlands, high enough to be close to the stars, and broad enough at its crest thereon to hold a wild revelry. In the days before, a great bonfire has been built up by the women of the cult; but it remains unlit yet, as the cult gathers atop the hill, and the hangers-on wait beneath the crest, afraid of the consequences of profaning the mysteries with uninitiated eyes. (For indeed, they have heard what happens to those who are too eager to join ... "Cannibal" -- "I eat boys up, breakfast and lunch, then when I'm thirsty, I'll drink their blood ... Carnivore, animal, I am a cannibal, I eat boys up, you better run")

------

The first thing that must be done is the initiation of new members. Before the pyre is lit, in the darkness that represents the darkness of death whence the Star Goddess was born, and shall ever be born again and again until the end of all things, the initiates are brought forward in their black robes. The priestess sings to them ("Rainbow"), singing about needing to emerge from the darkness--"I used to live in the darkness, dress in black, act so heartless; but now I see that colors are everything; got kaleidoscopes in my hairdo, got back the stars in my eyes, too, and now I see the magic inside of me."

In the process of this chant, the priestess removes the black robes, until the initiates stand naked before the cult; then, as the pyre is lit, the Beautiful step forward to paint the initiates' skin with paints of red and blue and every hue, and to adorn them with silver and gold, and to wrap their bodies in brilliant robes, which will all stand forth in full color as the pyrelight climbs higher. The initiates are asked to recite the tenets of the Star Goddess and the Beautiful Life--the answers to these questions are found in a number of songs they would have learned back in the city, and sung to themselves to retain their mysteries.



The tenets are:

First, all that matters is the Beautiful Life--life should be a striving toward transcendence, especially through drinking, dancing, and sex, but really through any activity that fills a body with joy. ("All That Matters (The Beautiful Life")

Secondly, be an Animal and a Warrior--love yourself for who you are, not for who you "should" be (this is essentially a basic tenet of Chaos, so it should be obvious at this point that this is a Chaos cult)

Thirdly, the fulfillment of the Beautiful Life is to find and join with the Lover. There are entire myth and poetic cycles of the Star Goddess and her Lover, reincarnated over and over again through vast epochs, ever seeking each other out. This Lover is usually depicted as a man (or especially as a dragon when the Joy he/it represents is more metaphorical), but sometimes the sexes are reversed, and the Star Goddess is a kind of king over the stars, and her lover is the female moon, pregnant with light ... essentially, any imagery can stand in here; the point is that a soul is reincarnated over and over again until it can finally fulfill itself in the Beautiful Life ... "Past Lives" is the best articulation of this idea ("We were lovers in a past life, I can see it in your green eyes; maybe you were one of my wives in a long lost tribe ...")

Lastly, that fulfillment is in the return to the Stars (whence all souls are born) and thence the rebirth of the Star Goddess and another cycle of new souls seeking the Beautiful Life, best expressed in the song "Spaceship" ("I'm waiting for my spaceship to come back for me ... look up in the sky and there they'll be, I bet you'll think of me ...")

------

Once the initiates have sufficiently expressed their understanding of these mysteries, they step back and join the rest of the Beautiful, and join them in two songs, one "Praying," a prayer that is a rejection of the dominance of the Lawful cults, which they see as constricting the ability of human souls to fulfill the Beautiful Life with all their emphasis on duties, self-restraint, marriage, etc. And then they sing a "Hymn" for themselves, which is a full exaltation in their own Beauty and perfectness as they are, and in their seeking for their own ultimate fulfillment.

And then, of course, they TAKE IT OFF! Wine flows, and is cast into the fire as a sacrifice to the Star Goddess, who looks down in gladness from the stars above; incense is burned, and cannabis and opium imbibed; clothes come off, the drums beat to the beat of the heart, bodies writhe, cries of ekstasis and enthusiasmus are raised to the stars and their eternal light. All inhibitions are forgot. All that occurs here is sanctioned by the Star Goddess; taboos are overturned; only excess is sacred.



It is this point at which the hangers-on ascend to the hilltop, to partake in the revelry, which continues until morning, or even well into the next day and evening. Naturally, there are consequences--legendary hang-overs; men and women dead or mad from wine-sickness; unintended pregnancies. But though Lawful authorities hate these revels, they fear to punish those who return, for fear of the anger of the Goddess and her maenads ... certain tyrants in the past have sought to quash the secret rites, and have then ended up in the midst of the revelries themselves, wine-mad, and finally torn limb from limb by the ekstatic Beautiful ...

A man being torn apart by bacchantes (Tiresias, actually)

This cult being Chaotic, it is entirely reasonable for non-initiated but Chaotic characters to act as hangers-on, to follow the procession out into the hills, and to wait until the mysteries are completed, but then to join in the wild revelry thereafter. I would treat this as carousing, but at double or triple the normal xp for the normal cost, and probably come up with a unique table to roll for failures ... sounds like a future blog post, anyway.

Chaotic women may, of course, also just join the cult as initiates. If they do so, they may attend the revelry, gain triple xp, and not suffer any mishaps (not the first time, at least ...)--and yes, this is a female-only cult. In the future, I may write a secondary male cult--or write up rules for male priests like those of Cybele who would castrate themselves--but for now, the Cult of the Beautiful is women-only.

And obviously, attending these rites in any matter as a non-Chaotic comes with consequences. A character neutral in regard to Law and Chaos who joins in the revelry must thereafter be considered Chaotic--they have fully engaged with the raw energy of Chaos, and though they may not be of the Beautiful, they are now aligned against the Lawful cults. As for Lawfuls to attend the revels and enjoy themselves, that is a serious breach of their own alignment, and they must seek atonement from some character of higher rank within the Lawful cults--and they gain no xp bonuses or alignment benefits from Lawfulness until they atone, as well as some other appropriate penalty, e.g. clerics losing their spells, or a curse laid upon a fighter by his god for his failure.

------

Lastly, I should mention that there is another, rival cult, the House of Gog, whose members call themselves Monsters ... I have little to say concerning this cult at the moment ...

... and there are a couple lesser disciples of such Dionysian revelries and lyric poetry--Katherine of Perrin, and Cyris of Milyta--who are semi-Sapphic, and whose lyrics echo both cults (of the Beautiful Life, and of the House of Gog); and yet neither of which have quite the same following ...

------

I'll probably be coming up with some kind of random table for things one might see/find at a bacchanal of the Cult of the Beautiful, probably along the lines of Jesse Goldshear's Otter Bacchanalia, which is great, and you should check it out! ... but piecing together the tenets of this Ke$ha cult has taken up too much space yet.







Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Greyhame Mountain Dungeon Expedition 9

Orcs have returned to the caverns of the Glimmervaults;
the Goblin King and the Lord of Werewolves have renewed their ancient alliance beneath the Howling Tower;
and the secret treasury of the ancient Bronding Kings is said to lie somewhere behind the Brokenbrand Falls, haunted by enchanting naiads ...
...
and Jaer the Windlord is said to look down on the world below from the Eyries of the Eagles on Greyhame Mountain itself ...


tonight's roster (actually played 14 November):
Aria (Elf 1, friend of Kaaraak the Eagle)
Lead (cleric 3, elected "captain" for the session)
Little Bob (traveling man 1)
with Marlowe (a cur) and Panzer (orc mastiff)
Blackleaf (Elf 1)
Aethulfwulf (paladin 1, formerly a fighter 1, but converted to Good this session)
Baby-Face (thief 3)
with Wheskers the Weasel (a snake-killing weasel)
Finbar (half-elf druid 1)
Unga Dunga (halfling 2)


Before the party was quite assembled, Baby-Face attempted to break Rendorsheeg (an Elf) out of jail, but he failed so badly that he managed to get himself imprisoned. The local thieves' guild bribed his way out (but not Rendorsheeg's), but that left Baby-Face 1000 gp in debt to the guild ...

When the party finally assembled, it was quite a number; they elected Lead the cleric as their "captain," and Lead announced that the party would journey to the Eyries of the Eagles, overruling all objections. The party appropriately bought rope and iron spikes/pitons for climbing, as well as extra rations, for the longer journey.

Then, following directions from Kaaraak the Eagle, Aria and Lead led the party north through the woods around to the west slope of Greyhame Mountain. I used actual wilderness checks for this, and ended up just rolling a couple non-monster encounters--first, Finbar was bitten by ticks after blundering through a nest of them (nice going, druid), ultimately to come down with some kind of disease; secondly, Little Bob was bitten by a viper, but managed to make his save against poison by sucking the venom out before it killed him.

The journey up Greyhame Mountain to the Eyries involves a hike up the mountain's slope, followed by an actual mountain-climb requiring rope, pitons, etc. The party sent Baby-Face ahead as the lead climber (given his thief ability to climb), and he set lead ropes  attached to pitons for everyone else, which allowed them to follow. Halfway up the mountain, on a ledge where the party could rest, Baby-Face pointed out a cave nearby to Lead; but Lead discouraged any exploration, and instead urged the party onward and upward. (Partway through this second leg of the climb, Kaaraak mentioned to Blackleaf that wyverns make their nests up here, having a truce with the eagles, but none with the two-legs down below)

Near the mountain's summit, the party finally reached "the Hame", a stretch of naked grey granite that resembles the hame laid across the shoulders of an ox's harness (I think? I hope I have this word right), which is laid around the mountain's shoulders. Here were a great number of eagle's nests, with eggs, chicks, and deer hauled up by the larger eagles for later meals. Kaaraak led the party through these nests to a cave under the summit, through which eldritch winds moaned.

There within, Jaer the Windlord appeared, a creature resembling a handsome man, fair-haired and blue-eyed, his cloak ever billowing in the winds, his tangled hair held down by a silver circlet. He demanded to know who came before him; Lead and his companions, who saved the eagle Kaaraak, was Lead's response.

A Master of Magic hero, and
o! the pixels are terrible here

Indeed, I have heard of the courage of those who have saved Kaaraak, my friend and servant, Jaer answered. And I have heard especially of the ministrations of Aria for my friend; therefore, I grant Aria the Elf a Guardian Wind, to protect her in times of need. This Guardian Wind is an elemental wind that once per day can be called on to create a protection from normal missiles effect, and once ever, can be used to create a fly effect, which ultimately discharges the elemental from further service.

Moreover, Jaer continued, I hope that I find in thee friends such who might destroy the evils of the orcs in the Glimmervaults below--those vile, deep creatures hate my friends, the eagles, and therefore I hate them. Bring me fifty orc heads, and I shall grant you all a Wish. I cannot destroy these creatures myself because things in the higher heavens are ever yet more important to an elemental of the upper airs as am I.

Aria also offered herself as an apprentice to Jaer, to learn wind magic from him; he agreed to teach her great magics of the air, but again, only for recompense of the destruction of the orcs below.

The party was thus incensed for the destruction of the orcs in the Glimmervaults; but they were uncertain whether they should climb back down the way they came (and maybe raid that wyvern-cave?), or whether they should hike down the back of the mountain. For indeed, on the far (eastern) slope of the mountain, they saw a path down to a defile that led ultimately to the back of the Brokenbrand Falls. Ultimately, Lead the Cleric decided that the party should hike down the back way, and from the Brokenbrand Falls into the Glimmervaults to attack the orcs there ...

So down the party marched (spending another day or so), and they got out their maps of the Brokenbrand Falls (two parties with partially separate maps, which they tried to overlap), and they asked where they emerged therein.

And instead, I described a new room, one with water flowing down from the northwest corner to the southeast corner, with an image of a rivergod behind the northwest corner's water, and an image of Brondr the old Bronding King with a broken sword in his lap on the north side of the stream. A corridor led south ... and none of this was on either map.

Heading south, the party entered a room with a long water-basin in the midst of which stood a statue of a naiad, with webs along the ceiling between the columns flanking the pool. As the party entered, they were surprised by three huge spiders, which dropped down and attacked Wheskers the Weasel, Lead, and Aethulwulf. Through a series of rounds, Lead took two hits, saving against poison both times, while Aethulwulf broke a series of shields to protect himself (one given by Blackleaf). But at last, the party slew the spiders, several dogs tearing the arachnids apart leg by leg, with Lead pulverizing the last spider with his warhammer.

The room also contained a large egg sac, and three cocooned victims; Aethulwulf tossed oil on the egg sac, and Little Bob lit it, and the webs burned away, destroying the young spiders in the sac; then the party cut apart the three cocoons and found three desiccated corpses, and a single Waterfall Sword, a kind of Viking sword with a waterfall mark on the ricasso.

The party then dithered for a long time, but ultimately headed east, whence gleamed open sunlight (considering the chamber opened to north, east, south, and west). Following the sunlight, the party found a wide space with a fairly large lake of clear, cold, mountain streamwater. In that sunlight, the party saw (beside an idol of Astora, Elf goddess of the stars and the night), a huge turtle with 12 gems in its shell holding court over a number of naiads, nakedly lounging on the banks thereby.

Except alive, of course, and perhaps a little
pretentious about its "deep" knowledge

Baby-Face was the first to approach this strange gathering, as he had before had good relations with naiads; these naiads did not recognize him, but they did fancy him, and started to wink at him and blow kisses to him. Meanwhile, the turtle turned and demanded, Who are you to interrupt my lecture of philosophy to these fine young ladies?

Now Aria and Blackleaf approached, Aria to engage the turtle in his philosophizing, Blackleaf to appraise the gems of his shell. The gems seemed to be worth about 1000 gp, and Blackleaf began to mumble about the riches represented (and murderous fantasies to take them all), while Aria became entangled in a nonsensical philosophical debate with the turtle (while also reprimanding Blackleaf for her obsessions with gold, rather than with natural wonders). Given the richness of the stones, Little Bob stepped up with the intent to remove the stones; but the turtle backed into the water, warily, and griped at the party. Why are you cornering me, interrupting my edification of these fine young ladies?

Little Bob and Blackleaf inquired about the gems--O, these were gifts to me from the Bronding kings, the turtle answered, a little garish, perhaps, but scintillating nonetheless--and the turtle further offered a single gem for an answer to a question. He asked for a solution to the epistemological problem of Edmund Gettier, of how to salvage the account of knowledge as "justified true belief" given "Turtle Gettier's" counter-arguments; the response from the players was weak in my estimation, but I rolled a 12 for "reactions" so I gave it to them--they offered something the turtle had not considered, that others might be relevant in any consideration of knowledge, ultimately not inappropriate for a turtle philosopher thinking to himself for some centuries alone ... and the turtle plucked off a gem and offered it to them.

(Meanwhile, Baby-Face continued his flirtations with the naiads. They told him they didn't care about the "lecture", they'd just come to make fun of and tease the turtle, and that they'd rather have Baby-Face come with them into the river. Baby-Face asked where the party was in relation to where he'd been, and found that following the stream southeast would lead back into the areas of the Brokenbrand Falls where he, Lead, and Unga Dunga had been before. But after relating this information to the party, Baby-Face agreed to just go with the naiads, and he disappeared with them under the waters, sharing a smooch for the sake of waterbreathing.)

Baby-Face joining the naiads while the
turtle-philosopher natters on beind

The party then followed Baby-Face's brief directions (while Blackleaf and Aria disputed over the turtle, Blackleaf wanting to take his gems, Aria, being of Natural alignment, wishing to protect the turtle). They ultimately found themselves in the Brokenbrand Falls where a map made sense, and agreed to seek some theoretical treasure nearby before heading back to town. The naiads had once directed Baby-Face and his companions to a nearby tomb for hidden treasures ... the party followed such directions into the tomb of Bragr.

In the tomb, they found a sarcophagus backed by a bas-relief of the World Tree with a serpent gnawing its roots to one side; approaching the tomb, Lead found nothing inside, but Blackleaf (as an Elf) pointed out that the serpent hid a secret door.

There within, behind the secret door, the party looked upon a tomb filled with grave goods--and also containing a colony of aggressive fungus! The party attacked the fungus with missile weapons, fire, and dogs, and because of the colony's slowness, the party tore it apart. Then the party looted the place and found much silver, electrum, and gold coinage; a tortoise-shell lyre and a bone-harp; 6 potions; and a wand; which seemed altogether to be worth a couple thousand gold pieces.

This treasure in hand, the party decided to head back to town; with their map, they made it quickly through the chambers of the Brokenbrand Falls, back to the slippery stairs that lead up to the halls, and all made their checks to avoid falling from the stairs. And at the base of the stair, they found Baby-Face waiting for them, dabbling his feet in the stream, satisfied smile wide on his face (he made his save to escape the naiads' charms ...).

Continuing back to town, the party dealt with a couple encounters of attrition in which they burned several weapons, ammunition, and shields--clearly ineffectual skirmishes against orcs in the night.

Lastly, arriving back in town, the party went on to carouse with their newfound wealth. At some point in the night of drinking, Little Bob wandered off into the village green and is said to have cursed and blasphemed the gods as vengeful assholes (and yet nevertheless he leveled up as a traveling-man through carousing!). As for Blackleaf, she is said to have strung local blacksmith Aldir along, hoping to marry him "for a soul" ... Baby-Face, meanwhile, bought rounds for everyone at the Black Dragon's Meed, and is now well known as the best drunkard in Brakeridge to have as one's drinking-buddy.

Finally, Aethulfwulf, spent a sum of money on a new small shrine to Adonai, Lawful Good god of justice, Pourer of the Horn; and then he also went carousing, but managed to end his night in his own bed, secure in his sense of having not made an ass of himself.

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Remembrance for the Fallen
Orion II (lion dog), Bacon (boar hound), Tore (half-orc fighter 1/cleric 1), Jimmy the Snitch (dog), Orion (lion dog), Harambe (man-ape 1)





Friday, November 3, 2017

Turtle Philosophers



Morla, alas, came to the ultimate conclusion that
nihilism is the only true philosophy

(thanks to Arnold K. at Goblin Punch with his Tortoise Tsardoms for some inspiration here)

Turtles can live for quite a long time (or more particularly tortoises, I suppose, but whatever), and the longest lived can survive for many centuries, especially those in fey or magical environments. Those that live for such a time have a penchant for long, deep thinking, and ancient memories, and put together can become philosophers of the highest order.

No particular turtle species necessarily produces such philosophers--ancient snapping turtles in the swamps, thousand-year-old tortoises on a desert island, sea turtles grown so old and large that they resemble islands, perhaps even dragon turtles! can all become philosophers--but those grown from the lesser species of turtle have the following stats:

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Turtle Philosopher

HD 6
AC 2
THAC0 14 (for those who use it)
Attack 2-8
Morale 6 (they don't generally like violence)


Philosophize -- Turtle Philosophers obviously have a deep and abstruse understanding of the world and of philosophy, and to make their particular systems of thought even more esoteric, they often inherit or invent recondite terminologies for the various phenomena of philosophy (from long-remembered conversations with errant magic-users and Elves, perhaps). By making a great speech of these arcane understandings, a Turtle Philosopher may choose to confuse, put to sleep, or even charm characters (according to the rules for those spells, confuse, sleep, or charm person).

This ability may be used 3/day, OR without limit so long as the referee continues to spout semi-coherent philosophical arguments, explanations, or minutiae. Characters save against petrification (of thought--so a wisdom or will save for later systems), and must save at -2 if the referee manages to scrounge up something of an actual philosophical oration. But IF a player/character responds by actually engaging with the diatribe, perhaps nitpicking terms or drawing out implications, that character saves automatically, and grants a +2 on his or her comrades' saves.


Sagacity -- Furthermore, if some kind of a rapport can be developed with a Turtle Philosopher (what do they want?--new philosophies to ponder, answers to old philosophical problems, maybe something so mundane as the banishment of a nasty old troll from the local swamp-neighborhood), the Philosopher can act as a kind of sage for the player/characters. That means that for 1-6 questions per favor granted it, the Philosopher can deeply ponder and delve into memories, and produce a reasonable sagacious answer for each within 1-4 weeks. This includes identifying magic items, another thing sages do in my game.

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Alas for some of the swamps inhabited by such a creature, the turtle becomes a Turtle Philosopher-King, obsessed with its own vision of an ideal society, which it attempts to foist onto its fellow citizens of the swamp (or desert island, or what have you). The Philosopher might also have a strange obsession with universal ur-shapes, geometry, or mathematics.

You all know how it ends when Yertle envisions
himself as the philosopher-king of his swamp ...

Turtle Philosopher-Kings have the same stats as their merely philosophizing kin, but they invariably attract some kind of following:

1) a School of 2-12 would-be Turtle Philosophers who are all HD 3, cannot yet spout philosophy, and who follow their Philosopher-King's commands absolutely

2) a Republic, somewhat along the lines laid out by the Philosopher-King, with 1-6 would-be Turtle Philosophers (as above), 4-16 lizardmen or bullywug Guardians, 2-12 Craftsmen, possibly forest gnomes, and 5-30 slaves, likely goblins, gripplis, etc.

3) a Cult of 5-30 lizardmen or bullywugs who worship the Philosopher-King as a reptile god and who offer semi-regular tribute

4) a Circle of 20-200 myconids whose "King" has found a deep rapport and companionship with the Turtle Philosopher-King

5) a Dragon (or Dragon Turtle) who has taken the Philosopher-King on as a kind of "court philosopher" in its lair, and to entertain its own ancient memory

6) an Imp who literally plays "Devil's Advocate" for the Philosopher-King's arguments; their cantankerous rapport is like two old men who regularly argue for argument's sake

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Regardless as to whether it is a mere Philosopher or Philosopher-King, Turtle Philosophers sometimes attract semi-regular petitioners as a kind of oracle--or as a sage, approached by individuals seeking knowledge. Such petitioners might include:

1) peasants come seeking some kind of oracle from the Turtle-Philosopher

2) a magic-user (or an apprentice of some greater wizard-lord) come asking for advice concerning a spell, a magic-item's formula, or a magical component

3) an adventuring party seeking sagacious advice, about a dungeon or a monster, say

4) a troupe of Elves come to pay respects to an old friend, swapping old in-jokes, treading out old gossip, and sharing new rumors

5) a congress of the local animals--baboons, or finches, or a school of trout--come to ask advice about some dispute in their own affairs

6) a cleric looking for old dirt on a rival cult

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Lastly, for the Greyhame Dungeoneers, there is an old legend that the Bronding kings and their naiad friends invited a Turtle-Philosopher to the waters above the Brokenbrand Falls to dwell there as a kind of court philosopher. The legends tell of a gem-and-gold-encrusted shell bequeathed by gracious sovereigns, and quibble about whether Brondr himself or one of his successors brought the dubiously named philosopher "Chelonius" to the falls.

Legends differ as to whether this particular Turtle-Philosopher preferred playing chess against the kings, or expounding on epistemology.